At long last, I have started to awaken from a decade long slumber,
in which I've been oblivious to all that was going on around me,
or perhaps I was just in denial of what was really taking place
and how much of fool I'd been to think that nobody would notice
all the questionable things I have done in my moments of weakness.
But now I realise that everything one gets in life is what one deserves.
We are all the architects of our own self-destruction
and responsible for everything that happens in this one life,
one in which time slips away in the blink of an eye.
Life itself is a precious gift, too amazing to be treated flippantly.
For far too long, I've been an arrogant prick,
treating others with contempt, and doing whatever the fuck I wanted,
treading on toes and pushing others people’s buttons.
However, this self-righteous crusade is about to come to an end.
From this day forth, I will try to practice humility
and treat others with the kindness and compassion
I often speak about, but often fall far short of dishing out.
One can't be selective in who one has compassion for.
Even my enemies suffer, such is the nature of existence.
Even though my enemies are many and have been cruel to me,
I shall cut them all some slack and forgive them for all their transgressions.
They too are imperfect and flawed like all of humanity.
They can keep on knifing me in the back all they like, but I will rise above.
I shall lay down my sword, my knives and my lead pole.
Instead, the only weapons that will remain in my arsenal
are kindness, compassion, patience, peace and love.
And if they try to attack again, I will kill them with kindness,
for all everybody wants is to be treated with dignity and respect,
(even if they have lost all respect for themselves)
no matter what they've done, for do we all not all have feelings?
Even the staunchest and most macho of men cry when nobody's looking.
So they can laugh all you want when I break down and cry in front of them,
but I don't give a fuck about their insensitive views on that matter.
If it wasn't for all the tears I've shed in recent times, I would have exploded
and possibly be in prison for mass murder or an act of lone wolf terrorism.
They may think me weak, but I'm am growing stronger as the haze lifts.
Denial is a powerful force you see: it protects us from our inner demons.
However, one has to face up to the things one has done at some stage.
I can be a better person and rise above all the hurdles in front of me.
I will prove to people that I can be strong and courageous:
the captain of a pirate ship, who doesn't need to employ violence
in order to stand up for myself and get what I want in life.
Things can only get better from this point forth.
I just have to have the strength of conviction and not stray too far
from the path of balance, moderation and salvation,
and nobody else can do it for me, only I can save myself from this misery.
I think I can see hell's gates now and I'm not going to run to it,
like I would have in the days of my youth, which have slipped away.
Instead, I'm going to slow down, reflect, and formulate a plan of attack,
just like a wise man would do before making their next move in a game of chess.
Only fools rush in head first and I refuse to play the fool any longer,
for through my tour de force in the underworld, I have grown wiser
and much stronger for having to endure so much excruciating pain
of the psychological variety, which drove me to try to end it all
on more than one occasion in order to get back at those who had hurt me.
In hindsight, such actions wouldn’t have have had the desired effect
but would have only ended up hurting those who actually give a fuck about me.
No longer will I pull the piss out of life like an angsty teenager
trapped in the body of a broken man who no longer has time to burn,
like the way I used to burn marijuana after a stressful day at work.
I shall spread my wings and fly to all the places I’ve dreamt about,
but never had the courage, patience or conviction to venture forth into.
Even the sky is no limit to what I can achieve in good time,
as the possibilities are endless in the mind of the eternal dreamer.
I shall dream of better days ahead for the rest of my days in this holy temple
that traps us in its its web of desire and media-constructed insecurity
and nothing and no one can hold me back from reaching my chosen destination,
not even fuckheads who would unscrupulously exploit me for their own selfish ends.
In fact, I do not hate them all that much anymore, but rather, I thank them
for teaching me how not to treat others and how to be a decent human being.
There’s no need to rush.
Baby steps.
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