TIGHT ROPE

I'm losing control yet again

unable to resist temptations
that I thought were dead and buried

the fool inside of me
has taken control the reigns
as I regurgitate more lies
beholden to a substance
that used to control my every move

but there's no substance
to the substance
a pool of follysome yearning
floating in the toilet bowl

I wonder to myself
why I have chosen to walk the path
of death, of pestilence
yet again, stupidity on repeat

now, it's out of my system
with floating chunks of shame
in the recesses of the toilet bowl
violently allergic to water

and I know all good things
must come to an end
just as bad things
come at a stupendously heavy cost

yet again, I am walking a fine line
on the verge of falling
off the tight rope, I have been
trying to cross, blindly
while convincing myself
that everything will be OK
when it's not alright
and definitely not acceptable

yes, all good things
must come to an end
may this warning be a lesson
on how not to walk

from now on, I will be sensible,
approach each day with joy
and restraint and positive intention

history does not have to repeat itself
I am the master of my own destiny
the sooner I come to terms with this
the quicker my path to healing

I shall give it a real shot
and I shall overcome,
or at least die trying

may I be kind to myself
and the future be kind to me
in return for my efforts

I shall be kind to myself