SANDWICH BOARD FULL OF DEGRESS

I’m the king of the heap, I never sleep, I’m better than all consorts
I have ten degrees, a genius with depth of thought, never been caught...
Cheating with study aids, I get all the best grades, I’m an individual
Better than the educated average, I’m not like others, I’m special
They gave me the wrong marks, I should have got the full total
It was a binary error, not my fault, those academics are evil
They’ve got a vendetta against me, I’m an English gentleman like V
Despite my pleas, they wouldn't listen to me, why can't they see
How brilliant I beeth, don't make me seethe, wait a minute - I'm always calm
What individuals like about me is that I always leave a mark like strawberry lip balm

I'm afraid of a stampede of obese gals, raping me with brass dildos
I'm the epitome of sheer sex appeal, my name is Lex, and I get all the hos
I don't date fat chicks anymore, they hurt me the most, I'm such a bore
They don't know what I have in store, I'll key your car with this crab's claw
I'm not a hooligan, that's right, there's no need to fight, I'm a classy man
I'm going places, I've got refined social graces, I've got a master plan
I'm the right man for the job, they won't tell me "no", I'm a man on the go
Just gotta go with the flow, follow my brilliant mind, and I shall be CEO
I've been to uni for ever, that's why I'm so clever, I know all there is to know
I've done what it took, check out my e-book, it's quite the altruistic show


The sheer reality of human folly is really silly just like my hypocrisy
I'm a compassionate entity, an altruist of a non-pure variety 
In moments of passionate fever, I get paranormal visions of Shiva
I'm a proponent of pseudo science, I don't  believe in logic either
It proves the existence of a higher power, that's why I get sectioned
I'm a liberal Presbeterian, God will let me bring my narc diary to heaven     
I record everthing for posterity, like the time I got my scooter smashed
I don't like to drink heavily, my main goal in life is to make lots of cash
So I can buy myself some blonde bisexual bitches with huge knockers
My CV is fifty pages long, that's why pontential employers think I'm bonkers


I can't get myself a root, so I play 'Gay Bar' on loop, I wanna talk to you
I used to be a go-go dancer, yes it's true, I'm ashamed to be a Jew
I'm here to settle a score, I refuse to dance professionally any more
I'd like to pick up some barbie whores, my e-book is rudimentary and raw
I like to use the word "nigger",  my ego couldn't get much bigger
I'm a loser, I couldn't get any thicker, each year I get even sicker
I should really hide, I haven't gotten far even though I really tried
Yes, I'm so hard done by, I've been abandoned by the man beyond the sky
I have no shame at all, no internal filter, Shakespeare on my bookshelf
I really need help, but I never listen to others, always take the piss out of myself