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i am the dissident poetician...i tear down fences with sardonic sardines and metaphysical cucumbers

Thursday, September 22, 2016


Warning: you are about to embark on a rant that is extremely long as far as Facebook status updates go. 2351 words at last count, not including this intro. If you persist to the end, please do not feel sorry for me. I don't need your pity. It does me no good. Instead what I ask for is just some love and understanding. Really, is that too much for me to ask for?

Unlimited wireless internet access for less than $40 per month here we come. Just have to wait for my hard-earned dole dollars to go in and it's a goer. Less than 48 hours until I'll be downloading videos of whatever the fuck I want for free, non-stop, until the 2 months I'll be getting of cheap unlimited net access is up. Then I'll simply switch down to a cheaper plan. It's all part of my plans to become an indolent sci-fi geek with bulk geeky entertainment to keep me idle forever and a day more. All power to nerds and geeks everywhere who'd rather be passive spectators in life than actually live it. Been through so many harrowing "real life" periods of turmoil of late, that I deserve a break from all the lying, scamming, conniving lowlifes who have been sucking the life and sanity right out of me. If only I had a dollar I had for all the tears I've shed as a consequence of being forced to do things against my will, in order to feed the relentless, fiending stomach that is constantly left hungry and dissatisfied by a mistress who is only out to torment me and leave me hanging for more and more of the same old same old bullshit that goes with the territory. I'm speaking metaphors here, by the way. Kind, honest, decent souls are few and far between in a scene (if one could even call it that) in which the satisfaction of one's pleasure zone is the primary driving motivation for behaviour so disgraceful and lacking in all form, that foul play and the screwing over of those on the bones of their arse is quite the norm. Never in my whole life have I ever encountered such cretins and such devious, arrogant behaviour that completely disregards the feelings of the victims of the perpetrators' wicked ways. Scant regard is paid to the needs and struggles of those whose lives are torn asunder by wolves in wolves' clothing and the vultures who swarm around as soon as one gives them an opening by showing them any kindness or compassion of any sort. Humanity is met with lack thereof. Chances to show decency are ignored and instead met by complete and utter scumbag acts of misappropriation and almost unforgivable acts of cruelty to the utmost extent. Almost bordering on torture on the mental variety. Furthermore, these scumbags do what they do and get away with it because they can. What small fry is going to bash someone for robbing them of their last cent and throwing the kindness shown towards the assailant back in the face of the person who has bestowed such a rare gift upon his fellow human being, especially in a world as topsy turvy as the one we all share. This flies in the face of all common decency and reflects the soul, or lack thereof, possessed by damaged people out to share the pain and inflict almost limitless damage upon those they view as being meek. All because the weakling has a heart and actually gives a fuck about people, instead of merely seeing them as just tools that can be of benefit to him in the short term period in which he has certain desires that need to be satiated. I've had a car stolen from me and sold from under me, while I've been involuntarily detained in a psychiatric hospital, by someone purporting to be a friend, who really, if you think about it, was just taking full advantage of someone at their lowest ebb. The succubus who committed this most heinous of acts fully hit the jackpot with this one. Not only did the arsehole in question breach trust, but he thrust the dagger in when the person, he completely fucked over, was totally defenceless. This is akin to stealing candy from a baby or mugging a granny. Inexcusable and befitting of only eternal condemnation. Not only was I sectioned at the time, but I was also homeless, so most of the worldly possessions that meant anything to me were also in that vehicle that got traded for a small amount of escapism-inducing goodies on the black market. This included a guitar and amp, my precious camera accessories (including two expensive, professional tripods and various bits and bobs that took months for me to acquire from eBay, as I had to wait patiently for them to arrive from far-off, distant places), a $300 Kathmandu jacket that I got as a gift from my sister, who no longer talks to me (as I popped 40 300mg Seroquel tablets in front of my mother and her and then stormed out of the house because I'd had enough of their well-intentioned intervention into my life when I had no self-control over my vices), among other things. All either sold for drugs or a pitiful amount of cash. Ill-gotten gains at the expense of someone who had been brutally attacked and restrained by three security guards twice his size (who almost broke his wrists), at RPH ,before been transferred to another hospital and had forms slapped on him, essentially removing all his freedom. The scoundrel who did this, knew about all of this, knew that I was down and out, yet he still chose to stick the death knell in, adding another chapter to the tragedy unfolding before his eyes, with scant regard for my welfare at all. Talk about kicking a man when he's down and throwing his kindness back in his face. I even cardless-cashed him a substantially large sum of money when he told me he was desperate and hungry before all the deceit unfolded and destruction of my faith in humanity was well and truly unleashed upon me, like a raging tempest, by his cruelty and refusal to give a flying fuck about the consequences. I was so gutted by what had been done and so filled with indignation at the injustice of it all that I have spent many a night crying over it, lamenting the lack of humanity that it clearly indicates. I admit, I've even had repeated thoughts of hunting the fucker, who did this, down and stabbing him in the eye with the sharpest of sharp knives. However, in the end I forgave him and let him back into my life, only for him to use the threat of violence against me to intimidate me into handing over my entire fortnight's pay to his grubby paws. Getting stung not once, not twice, but multiple times by some indisputably arrogant and uncaring scumbag, was almost my unravelling. It got to the point where one of us was going to get hurt. Either I was going to get him and get him good, or I was going to turn my anger in on myself and hurt myself because I felt like such a lame, helpless goose for letting him do all those horrible things that he did to me. In the end, I decided to forgive the guy (and he knows who he is because he is still on my friend's list; why that is I'm not quite sure: maybe because I'm trying to give him another chance to show me that there is a tiny shred of decency in him) and let his indiscretions slide without punishment. I have no plans for revenge anymore. Instead, I have decided to let what has been done be blown into the winds of Zen and view it as a learning curve, an expensive and life-changing one at that. As I wrote in a poem about my feelings towards the guy, I am going to use what he has done as an example of how not to treat others. How not to be. Rather, I have had to deal with the ramifications of his disgraceful actions in such a way that allows me to rise above the new lows set by him and not let the pain and shock of what has happened, consume every pore of my being, like a raging fire as it engulfs an entire village full of defenceless, peace-loving tribal inhabitants, who just so happened to have the misfortune of being caught up in something they have no control over. I no longer blame myself for letting him taking advantage of my trusting nature and passive tendencies, which allowed him to take full advantage of me. I am at peace with who I am and know that there are others who appreciate me for being a kind and compassionate person. Being like this need not necessarily be viewed as weakness, waiting to be exploited by those who would make an enemy of me. Instead, such qualities should be cultivated and allowed to shine through for the benefit of ourselves and those around us. They should be utilised to spread happiness and to connect with others, out of a common humanity. If others want to take advantage of it, then that's their problem. Karma will get them in the end. I refuse to let my experiences with this person, whose actions and their consequences, which once held sway over how I felt about myself and my worth as another human being unable to stop themselves from being exploited by such unscrupulous swine, affect the way I approach life in general. I will be kind and I will put faith in good people once more because they do exist. If you are reading this (and I could easily name you, the culprit who has taken up so much of my time and energy in the increasingly long-winded rant, but I refuse to do so) I implore you to look long and hard and what you have done to myself and also countless others (from what I have heard about your modus operandi) and change before it's too late and karma gets the better of you. Keep doing what you do and do it to the wrong person at the wrong time and you just may end up in a shallow grave or in hospital with both of your fragile hips shattered to smithereens. Neither of us want that to happen. Despite all the grief you have caused me, I don't hate you. Please show me, and the rest of the world, that you can be a decent person after all and just stop doing the despicable things you continue to do. That would be a start, I guess. I didn't waste so much time outing you for what you have done to me for you to simply think you've gotten away with it and don't have to face up to the aftermath of the choices you have made to fuck people over. You have to live with what you have done to others, just I had to deal with the damage it caused to my well-being. Please turn around and change your wicked ways before it's too late. Nobody needs to get hurt anymore. You may think me naive, but at least I had the decency and humanity to forgive you and to give you a gentle nudge in the right direction. If I didn't see any good in you, I wouldn't be saying any of this. I know you had your reasons, but just know that your actions affect other people too, to state the obvious. Some more than others. Mental scars don't heal as easily as the physical ones you would get from copping a beating. Please bear that in mind as you get on with your life. Know that I have moved on in mine. I think I've said far more than needed to be said to you, in what is getting to be a ridiculously long rant, in which I never had you in mind when I began the process of writing it. Instead, it was meant to be about getting cheap unlimited internet and downloading movies for free, which could then act as a distraction for all the turmoil that has taken place in the past 18 months or so of my one and only life. How this status update got to this point, I'm not quite sure. However I am certain of this fact now: I have devoted far too much energy to the sleights committed against me by but one single individual. One person, among the many who have taken advantage of me in this time by appealing to my better nature. Don't get me wrong. I'm far from perfect, but I try to do the right thing by others whenever possible. I certainly don't believe in taking advantage of the weak and the vulnerable, like countless others have done to me. The way in which I've been treated, I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worse enemies. I don't have many of those left these days anyway. I tried my best to kill them off, and win them over, with kindness. So much so, that it is a core belief of mine that kindness can save lives and also work miracles. That's why I don’t write anyone off, no matter what they've done and try to treat just about anyone I come across with kindness. You could say I'm an advocate for more kindness being bestowed upon everyone by all concerned. Well, I guess this rant is getting to the point where everything that I add to it, from now on, will be superfluous. I would just like to wrap it up by saying that my intention was not to make others feel sorry for me, which they may very do so, if they have read every word up to this point. I only wanted to share something we all have in common and that is a piece of my humanity. Like everybody else, I have been confronted with lots of troubles in my travels. That's why I think it's important for us all to have compassion for others, without sounding all Buddhist fundamentalist on your sorry arses. Kudos to all who have stuck it through and read up to this juncture. My apologies for carrying on and on, but I think I needed to get some of this stuff off my chest. Anyway, please hold onto what's left of your humanity as if your life depended on it, my friends, because it does. Keep it real. Stay human, one and all. End of annoyingly long rant. For now at least.

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